It was a mom’s gathering with activities for my oldest two. There was a meal included, and I could bring my youngest two with me. Free food, fun and fellowship! How could I refuse? Oh, but I wish I had.
I didn’t know any of the ladies that I was placed with but was happy to just be able to visit with some other moms. However, it did not turn out to be enjoyable at all. For every subject that was introduced, there was a mom at the table who knew ALL about it. The right way. The only way.
Someone had just taken their child to get his immunizations. Oh, my goodness! A lady grabbed her by the arm and told her exactly how horrible immunizations are and what will probably happen to her child as a result of getting them.
The lady closest to me said she had just spent her morning at the mall. I waved my arm and said, “Oh, I don’t ever get to the mall these days.” Well, the other women really jumped on this one. By the time they got through you would think a morning at the mall was the cardinal sin. The poor lady who had dared to say she went tried to defend herself. I sat in horror, thinking I had caused this one. I had to jump in. “Oh, I used to love shopping. I used to go once a week, and it was so much fun. It’s just that shopping isn’t fun anymore with four kids, so I don’t go unless I absolutely need something. It would sound wonderful to me to be able to go by myself and get a new outfit!” Everyone just stared.
This is what the entire time was like, with every subject that was brought up. By the time I left, I was exhausted. I felt like I had been beaten up. I was even feeling weary in my job as a mom.
You know, I think these women were probably well intentioned in their advice. The old saying from my college teaching classes comes to mind, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” I wonder if I’ve ever been guilty of caring more about showing how much I know than about showing concern for the people I’m talking to. I didn’t enjoy my time at that gathering, but I have thought a lot about it and have learned from it. When I am tempted to share my “expertise” on a subject, I want to remember this little outing.
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Oh Esther, isn’t it horrible? That is not even conversing, obviously just insecure ladies (not you but the others:) who must feel good trying to prove all they know. I can’t stand that sort of talk…sorry you had such a time of it but glad to be reminded myself of this important message. Happy Easter!
oh, hate those moments!
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i am sorry you had to go thru that…. its not fun to be around a group of women like that, at all. the best thing you could choose to take from that experience, you are. dont add to the world of “well meaning, long talking, opionated” women. choose to be a woman of grace and gracious speech! 🙂 so enjoy your blog.
I find it so sad when women in general tear each other down instead of lifting each other up. Mothers tend to do it a whole bunch. I don’t understand it. Being a mother is a tough gig, support is crutial. I am not a mom but I do try to support and lift the parents I know up. If they come to me for advice or a shoulder to cry on I try to be there for them and help them to find their own truths.
Susan Evans says
Pride causes people to look down on others and judge them for things that aren’t sin, but just opinions. Love does the opposite; it lifts people up and gives them the benefit of the doubt.
How exhausting! Ugh. Having sat through a few of those lunches I totally understand – and there really is nothing to do, but grin and bear it. Hah.
Hopefully you won’t have to attend another anytime soon!
I so nervous about going around other mom’s for that exact reason. Thank you – you have never been that kind of mom – at least not around me 🙂 You are honest and kind! We should get the kids together & have some fun sometime soon.
So sad. WHY do we do this?!!! Those mom friends who don’t get into “discussions,” but just love you and laugh with you about all the craziness of motherhood… grab ’em and hold on tight.
oh wow, that does sound exhausting! Was it many ladies acting like this, or just one? Sometimes, it seems to take some years of maturing before some ladies realize they don’t need to share their opinion on everything. So sorry you didn’t have a better day out!
Ugh. What an awful way to spend the afternoon. I’m all for hanging out with other moms and letting the kids play, but that doesn’t sound very fun at all!
I am trying to be more positive in my everyday life. I think it’s a cultural thing for moms to pick things apart here in the US.
So sorry you had to suffer through that. I so often wonder why we as women can be so unsupportive of each other! We should be building up, not taking down.
Oh yikes. I hate situations like that- I try to escape as quickly as possible!
Anna Hettick says
Oh my. I hate being in situations like that. But yes, I agree, as moms we DO NOT know it all. We each have out own way of parenting and doing things and just because it doesn’t match someone else’s way doesn’t mean either one of your is wrong! 🙂
How very awkward and uncomfortable! It is so important to show more caring than advice (or commentary on other people’s choices). What a lesson! Hopefully your next outing with be a lot more fun and relaxing.
Every mom has their own way of doing things, and just because what you do or don’t do isn’t their way, it doesn’t mean you are wrong! I don’t care much for mom get togethers for that very reason you described, sometimes it’s like everybody is trying to one-up each other!