Part 1: No Early Warning Signs
We found out in September that I was carrying our fifth child. When you have this many children, what people wonder is: “Was this an accident?” This pregnancy was certainly no accident. Ever since I had my third child my husband began talking about having two more. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be pregnant when it came to all the symptoms, but I was thrilled to be expecting another baby.
I started feeling nauseous about a week after I took my pregnancy test. Jason and I thought it would be best to wait a while to tell the kids, but when my oldest came to me very distraught and said, “Mom I’m worried about you. Are you going to die?” Jason and I thought it would be best to go ahead and tell them. The kids were excited and right away began arguing as to whether it would be a boy or girl. Joy was the only one that seemed apprehensive.
I thought a few people might hear from the kids, but that we would just keep things quiet for a few more weeks until I saw my doctor. I should have known better. We drove up to church, were walking in the parking lot, and my children started shouting to the first person they saw, “My mom’s going to have a baby!” I was a little embarrassed. Oh well, I figured if I wanted to be the one to tell anyone I was going to have to be quick. I told a few friends that I saw. It just felt unbelievable that I was going to have five children!
Click here for Part 2: I Chose not to Suffer Alone.
This post is linked to We Are That Family.
Brenda says
November 10, 2010 at 7:28 amPraying for you.
I know there are no words I can write to bring you comfort right now, but please know that I am praying for you and am here for you in any way I can be.
Your sister in Christ,
Brenda
Desiray says
November 10, 2010 at 7:39 amI don’t know what to say to you my sister I’ve never been in this place before but I can give you words of encouragement Jesus is right by your side, He has never left you and He will comfort you and your family. I will be praying for you all this morning. . If there is anything I can do let me know.
Heather's Hodgepodge says
November 10, 2010 at 7:53 amI’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I’ve been there too.
Stacy says
November 10, 2010 at 8:00 amI lost my first baby. I wrote a couple of devotions on that topic, after several ladies on my mailing list requested that I do so. I hope you find some encouragement there.
katlupe says
November 10, 2010 at 8:17 amI am so sorry you lost your baby. Hopefully there is no reason you can’t have another one, right? I’ll have to read tomorrow to know for sure. Praying for you and your family.
Dawn Chandler says
November 10, 2010 at 9:32 amFrom one bereaved mommy to another, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss.
Sophia says
November 10, 2010 at 9:34 amI am praying for you and your family. I lost a sibling and I will never forget that painful time. May God bring you peace and comfort.
Mike says
November 10, 2010 at 11:37 amWow! Breaks my heart to hear this. I’m truly sorry. Some things are hard to understand, a couple I never have but praying that God in His grace will provide you the faith to see His goodness despite what circumstances may say.
Amanda says
November 10, 2010 at 3:08 pmI am sorry for your loss. I have trouble reading these posts because it brings my own pain to the surface and it still feels as raw as when it happened. I am glad that you don’t seem to be having as hard of a time as I did. Even though my daughter would not exist had I not lost my first, it still breaks my heart.
Heather says
November 10, 2010 at 5:31 pmI’ve lost three Esther and my heart aches for each one. But after losing the first and hearing everyone’s messages of comfort I was surprised at how many other parents had lost a child as well. It helps me to talk about those babies. Sometimes it seems like everyone else has forgotten about them but as a mom you never forget. Thank you for sharing your story and heartache. I pray that God will bless and comfort you.
Marlene says
November 10, 2010 at 5:32 pmEsther, I am so sorry! Will be watching for the conclusion to this story. My heart is heavy for you….
Tina says
November 10, 2010 at 8:47 pmDear Esther,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby! try and take comfort in remembering that the baby is in heaven with jesus. Please know that I am praying for you and your family!
may you find peace beyond all understanding!
In Christ’s Love & Prayers
Tina
N. Nicholes says
November 10, 2010 at 9:07 pmEsther,
I know this feeling all too well, as my family and I suffered a miscarriage last year. All I know is that I HAD to put all of my faith in God and trust that He knew what He was doing in my life. Because if I didn’t believe that, I was going to go crazy.
I can’t offer advice, because it actually got on my nerves while I was grieving, but know that you have an entire gaggle of prayers coming your way from the Nicholes household.
Joe Sherwood says
November 10, 2010 at 10:55 pmWe love you, will be praying for you, we lost one too. Then God blessed us with Seth, years later in our old age.
Rachel says
November 11, 2010 at 8:54 amReading your posts makes me miss the child that we never got to hold, all those feelings I hadn’t forgotten but pushed aside, the anger (we caused the miscarriage inadvertently), the disappointment, the wonder and hope of what that child could have been. I want you to know that I feel your pain, that you, your precious little one, and your family are in my prayers. May the God of all comfort bring peace to your heart.
Soldier Mama says
November 11, 2010 at 7:29 pmI am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby! I can’t say I have been there, but I can say a prayer for you and your family!
michele says
November 12, 2010 at 7:30 amI am so sorry for your loss, I can’t even begin to imagine. I have a friend who lost her full term baby in labor in August, I cry for her every day, and will add you to my thoughts to find some peace around this tragic situation.
Katrina says
January 22, 2011 at 6:16 pmOh, I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁
We have nine children. Our 10th was due last December and we were SO excited for our 2010 Christmas Gift — but sadly we lost that little one at the 11 week mark. Just one day, the morning sickness stopped, and I thought it was a little early for that to end (for me at least…as I usually feel sick until about the 16 week mark) and sure enough, a day or two later I lost the baby. It was my first miscarriage, and I was heartbroken. It is very hard saying goodbye to a child who we never got to hold. I am comforted in knowing that although this child isn’t here with us in this world, he or she will be with us in the next. I am definitely the mama to ten children – Nine here on earth and one in Heaven. And you are the mama to five 🙂
Blessings to you,
Katrina
Nancy says
January 30, 2011 at 10:48 amWe lost our second child when I was eight months pregnant, on Mother’s Day, she just stopped moving. At the time the doctor was certain I would automatically go into labor…needless to say since I looked so huge people kept asking when I was due, it got so I didn’t want to leave the house because explaining to them was horrible and lying was just as bad. By the time I delivered over a month later when I insisted on being induced I had come to terms with our loss. Never forgotten, but come to terms with it. Even today over thiry years later, I still tear up on Mother’s Day each year. My prayers to every mother who has had to go through this. As someone else said, no other child will ever replace the one you lost but I give thanks for the two that I have every day.
Fawn says
January 3, 2012 at 7:10 pmA friend of mine loves to say, “The end of the matter with God is always good so if it’s not good, it’s simply not the end of the matter.” I love knowing how this story ends and the fact that you just celebrated the birth of the most handsome baby boy.
Patricia Dorsey says
May 14, 2016 at 11:30 amYes, it is more common than I thought, too. I have 3 children waiting in Heaven to introduce themselves to me when I get there.