Communication in marriage has always interested me. The difference in the way men and women see things is intriguing. I don’t think I’ll ever figure it out in my own marriage.
We spent the day at a seminar, and over the lunch break we loaded everyone in the van and set out to find a place to eat.
“Where should we go?” my husband asked.
“There’s a Mexican place I’ve been wanting to try for a long time.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s the one I tried to take the kids to by myself, but they were running all over, so I just left. Remember I told you about it?”
“Yeah.”
“I think it’s the closest restaurant to our location, so it would be fast.”
“Uh-huh.” He kept driving. We were coming up on the restaurant pretty fast. It occurred to me that he didn’t hear my statements as a suggestion of where to go. I didn’t want to say, “I want to go to this Mexican restaurant,” because if he would rather go somewhere else that would have been fine with me.
So finally I just asked, “I just said several things about this restaurant right here. Did you realize I was suggesting we go there?”
“No,” he answered as he quickly pulled into the parking lot, “Why didn’t you say so?” It felt like he was ignoring my suggestion, but actually he didn’t even hear it.
At the cash register as we were trying to figure out what to order, a line was forming behind us, so we were trying to hurry up and order. Jason pointed to a sign and said, “If you order off that menu with the specials, it’s fifty cents cheaper. I’m ordering something from there.” So quickly I picked something from that menu and ordered it.
After I sat down I was a little miffed that I had to order off the specials menu because it only offered three items. And then it hit me. I saw his statement about the specials as a nice way of telling me to order from there, but what if that wasn’t what he meant?
“You did tell me to order from that menu didn’t you?” I asked.
“No,” he looked shocked, “I just told you that’s what I was doing.”
Somehow after all these years, we still don’t speak the same language!
Lol. Sounds like me and Eddie sometimes.
“All these years”? We are a month short of 50 and still haven’t figured it out. Any mention I make of a restaurant, he thinks I’m wheedling to get him to take me there, so if I’m not, I have to hasten to say, “I don’t want to go right now.” Now that you have made me analyze, I imagine I have done exactly like you in case he didn’t want to go, so he, thinking he has me figured out, always thinks I want to go there. (Did that make sense?) Makes life interesting.
Yes. We do that too. All.the.time.
Pierce requested your sopa again last night – he asked for it! I gave the twins bowls too – first time they’ve had soup like big boys. They all chowed down!
I really enjoy your blog. This one sounds just like a conversation I would have with John. It made me laugh this morning!
I would have absolutely come unglued if he wouldn’t have known I was suggesting that restaurant. Why would you have even mentioned it at all if you weren’t suggesting it?
Oh my.
Well – after saying that I will also fess up to not speaking even close to the same language as my husband. Often, I don’t even think he speaks English. He speaks a language NOBODY else has ever heard.
This happens so much…I will talk for 10 minutes, end with a questions, and just stare at him waiting for an answer. He will either look at me and say, “Huh?” or start a completely different conversation. “Hello….am I here at all???” LOL
I think this goes hand in hand with them actually NOT seeing the clothes they step over or the garbage overflowing…..they’re minds just don’t work the way ours do. The sooner we understand that, and work with it, the better for us :o)
And you never will… Hilarious. If I hadn’t been sitting in an office with my new colleage I would have laughed out loud. Instead I laughed loudly on the inside…
East or West Men will be the same! I get sadistic pleasure when he does it to his mom too!
He speak blue, me speak pink. 🙂 We have the same issue. Using the “Love & Respect” blue vs. pink analogy really helps us sort things out when we get frustrated with each other.
I just said the same exact thing about my hubs and myself! We have communication issues! I want him to hear 1 thing and he hears something completely different!
Although Nicole and I still have this issue is isnt as bad as it was the first few years of marriage. Clearly stating the expectation certainly helps but what I struggle with is that sometimes the words of one spouse get intertwined into the expectant thoughts of the other and so what is understood is the combination of what was said along with the “what I wanted to hear”. Either way there are times where I am just toast. LOL …thanks for sharing.
I love your blog, it always makes me think about the things that happen in my own life!
Oh Esther,
Sounds like every marriage ever!
Rob and I read the book “The Five Love Languages” and it helped us a lot. We all “hear” in different ways… learning how to communicate without words helps the word communication improve.
Thanks for always being real!
You guys crack me up, time and time again! Hahaha, how funny!
I just stopped over from mckmama. This totally is my hubby and i LOL 🙂
Hahaha! Oh man! This is so true! Great post!
LOL! Well, look it this way. Your hubby is an ESL student, “Esther as a second language!” He’ll keep getting it confused but at least he’s still trying :).
Way to funny Esther! Hubby and I do the same thing all the time.
Thanks for linking this up to Matrimonial Monday, I’m featuring your post tomorrow!