It had been an extra difficult three weeks with the kids, and Jason had worked extra hours, a weekend and even took a weekend trip, so I was more stir crazy than usual. I rarely go anywhere by myself, but I was going nuts and people were beginning to notice. It was high time for me to get out. Shortly before I left, Sandy, our dog, had made the mistake of her life by chewing up Jason’s tree braces and stakes. Jason, usually so even tempered, was ranting and raving about putting the dog on a chain. Who cares that she’s chewed up all the landscaping, all the kids outside toys, some of my plants, and several pairs of shoes. This time she dared to touch the TREE! So I set out on my adventure in search of something that would save my dog from a life of certain imprisonment.
I didn’t want to waste a lot of time at PetSmart so I went right up to the first person I saw with the store logo on his shirt and asked for help. He was very savvy and took me right where I needed to go. Half way through his spiel on which product I should buy, he started coughing…and coughing…and coughing. That didn’t stop him though he kept talking and handing me products between coughs. I wasn’t sure if I should step back or at least wipe off the things he was handing me or just run. It sounded like a pretty bad sickness, maybe even swine flu, and I have four kids for crying out loud! I thought it’d never happen, but he finally managed to get it under control. He didn’t know what had caused that he said, but probably all these dog products! I had to wonder how long he’d had that job and how long he was going to last.
My next stop was Old Navy. I love this store. As I walked in I wanted to sing and twirl. “I’ve missed you old friend!” Well it has been years since I’ve gotten a new outfit and I was determined to find something. I walked around and around the store. It dawned on me that I must be getting older and frumpier than I thought because I couldn’t even find anything I wanted to try on. Is this what people are actually wearing these days? Finally I found a couple of sweaters that I liked. One of them was hanging on a mannequin and I really liked the jeans that were paired with the sweater. There was only one way to find out which style the jeans were. I hiked up the sweater on the mannequin and tried to look on the inside label of the jeans, and didn’t dare to look up to see if anyone was watching. I could imagine some little girl shouting, “Mom that woman is checking out the hiney on that dummy!” Grabbing my clothes I headed to the dressing room where a MAN was manning the dressing room. Well back in my shopping days I never had a man take me to the dressing room. Was this for real? He turned to the lady in front of me and led her to her room saying, “Oh Mrs. So and So I’m so happy to see you again. How are you?” I tried to look nonchalant and followed him to my room then turned around and pressed the lock button – hard, as if that would keep me safe in there. I tried on the first sweater. Ha, ha, ha I laughed out loud. I looked like pink and white striped house. “Shh.” I told my self. I certainly didn’t want that man to come and check on me. I tried on the second sweater and I actually liked it. I really walked out of that store with a new sweater. So what that it’s Texas and I won’t be able to wear it for several months and then only for a couple of months total. Maybe I’ll wear it every day. Maybe I’ll take it back. Hey I bought something right?
I walked out to my huge high top conversion van and found myself looking right smack at the side door of the van. I stared at it. What am I doing? I should be at the driver’s side door, like normal people. Well since I was already there I opened the door and ushered my four imaginary children into their very real car seats and relished in the silence. They were so well behaved!
With coupon in hand I marched into Bed, Bath, and Beyond where I have on four occasions in the last four years gone in to purchase a fondue pot and have every time come out without one. Today was going to be different. I could feel it. I went in and walked around several times and could not find a single fondue pot, nary a one! I tried in vain to find someone to help me. Finally an official looking lady walked my way, went straight to the phone and ignored me. “Where are my kids when I need them?” I think to myself. “I bet you that if I had my four kids yelling, running in circles and knocking things off that lady would come over here and help me.” So you see I did miss them – a little. Well she never did help me, but I finally managed to find them myself. I looked and compared prices and extras, and then I once again walked out of the store without my coveted fondue pot.
Then I walked to the near by TJMaxx and reveled in all the fall decorations everywhere. I picked up every pumpkin spice candle I found, lifted the lid and plunged my nose right in. Ah. Only, blech that was some kind of yucky citrus. Must find one more pumpkin candle. I found my candle, (I might just have to come back and get one of these.) and then looked at my watch. My time was about up. Nap time was over and my family would begin to miss me soon. I sang all the way home and felt like a new woman! The next time someone says to me, “You don’t get out much do you?” I can reply, “No, but I did once baby. I did once!”