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In order to cut costs, Jason decided not to get a land phone line, but just to use cell phones. The plan he bought, however, only allowed me 500 minutes. A quiet man like my husband could not imagine using that many minutes in a month. Well, I was in a new place, completely friendless, with two children and pregnant, and having no money to spend to go anywhere, so talking to my Mom and sisters on the phone was my only way of conversing with anyone. Those 500 minutes were gone in less than two weeks because, of course, on a cell phone even when someone called me, it was using up my minutes. So I couldn’t even talk to my family.
Meanwhile, Jason was pouring himself into his new job. He loved it. He would get up early and come home late. But things really got bad when he started his graduate classes. I was having an extremely difficult time, but he really didn’t notice. I begged him to at least just start with one class that semester while I was pregnant and everything was still new, but he thought two classes would be fine. He threw himself into his studies. He had evening classes two nights a week, so on those evenings he didn’t even get home until about 9:30. On the afternoons he did come home, he would eat supper, spend a little while playing with the kids, and then study all night.
I was so lonely, and I didn’t even have anyone to talk to. It was during this time that I was introduced to social media. I had never used instant messaging or Facebook before that, only email. I thought it was really cool! A man that was a friend of our family began talking to me online. I didn’t really think much about it at first, but he started being very complimentary, and since I was feeling so lonely and neglected by my husband, I found myself dwelling on the nice things this man said. It kind of scared me, actually, because I thought, you know, this is the way affairs get started–in the mind. Well, I told my husband all about it and completely cut ties with that person. In hindsight, I really don’t think the man meant anything inappropriate by the things he said, but, given my frame of mind, I saw how the situation could have become a problem.
Smart idea to cut ties with him because you’re right – that’s exactly how things get started. God gave you insight and wisdom in that situation.
I hear you…
I have been there before but fortunately God gave me insight also. I understand the situation of being lonely, but we do have God giving us these warnings and we better listen!
Oh, I can’t *imagine* not talking to my mom! When I got married, I moved 8 hours away from my family. That first year of marriage was really lonely and stressful for me. But things got 100% better over the years… probably the same for you too!
I think there are bigger temptations associated with social media besides inappropriate relationships forming. For example, when I read a blogs, I feel sometimes feel a bit voyeuristic. When I comment on a blog I sometimes feel a bit narcissistic. Call me crazy…maybe I’m just a bit neurotic 🙂 Uhhh…I gotta go now!
you are brave for sharing. Thank you I’m sure it will touch many to hear your experience
Loneliness is a horrible feeling. Learning to lean on the Lord in through that
experience was a tough way to learn that lesson. When I was pregnant with
my second child, I had to be on bed rest from 20 weeks to 30 weeks. My
husband had to take a second job and was gone from 6 in the morning until
10:30 at night some days. I couldn’t do any housework or even cook, all while
taking care of a toddler. Yeah, that was my most difficult season to date. The
Lord was faithful though, and we came out stronger as a couple.
I went through a similar move 10 years ago. I have been told more than once that it takes at least two years to start feeling at home in a new place, and I have found that to be true.
I think you were smart to cut ties with the man. I’m not a huge Facebook participant, but I do have an acct, and I’ve always thought that it was unwise to connect with old male friends or boyfriends from the past.
Great that you saw the seeds of trouble before anything happened! Loneliness and isolation can be so hard!
I was in therapy a couple of years ago and the therapist said be SUPER careful because that’s how many of his clients start out.. Innocent….And then one thing slowly slowly leads to another.
I’m really sorry you were so lonely, but I’m dying to read more…
Thanks for sharing the story, Esther. It is so real, and I think so many people read it and associate with it. I for one do! Looking forward to hear what happened next, although “looking forward” seems a bit like a wrong choice of words.
Thank for your honest posts. I also had a difficult time when my husband was working full-time and getting his Masters. I was also pregnant (with my second) and in a new area, with no family. It must be a requirement. 🙂 I think prayer is really what got me through that time.
Thanks for sharing. My experience has been very similar to yours, even to starting to look forward to and think about conversations with a male friend of ours. Thank God for the wisdom to understand where that can lead and the courage to cut ties BEFORE we find ourselves in trouble.
For me, it was really hard because this was a person we had contact with in real life on a very regular basis, and being politely cool was especially difficult because I wanted to at least be the Southern friendly I’m used to being. I think my changed demeanor puzzled the poor guy, too, and there was no way to explain.
As the next segment of your story states, it’s when we have no one else that we draw closer to God out of necessity. I’m very interested to read the rest of this saga, and I’m glad that life has gotten better for you and your family.
You’re SO smart. So many affairs have unwittingly started that exact way.
Thanks for sharing . Wow I can so identify with your story. Amazing God always have a way of revealing things to us. Praise God for prayers he always work it out for us. Great story!