Jason and I have been watching sermons on DVD in the evenings. One of these was on leadership. Leading by sympathy was an example of a wrong way to lead. This was backed up very well Biblically with many examples of poor leadership through sympathy. While I never thought about this as a style of leadership I instantly thought of many examples of such sympathy leadership that I have witnessed, and it has always seemed wrong to me.
I thought about my own life and realized that I have also wrongly done this at times with my children. You know, the ol’ “I have it so rough and none of you are helping or obeying” routine. How embarrassing. It certainly has never helped my case or accomplished anything. It is indeed poor leadership and bad parenting.
Then as I was pondering this idea text flashed on the screen that read something like, “Giving sympathy is always right; seeking sympathy is always wrong.” I was taken aback. Hmm. While I was completely on board with the premise that seeking sympathy as a way to get people to follow and do what you want them too (It’s really very manipulative.) is wrong, the quote didn’t specify in leadership. It just read, “Seeking sympathy is always wrong.” Is that true? This as a blanket statement was not backed up by Scripture. I have pondered this for hours.
What is sympathy? The main definition according to Webster is “The feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else’s trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.” When I am going through tough times, I do share what I’m going through with my husband, family, and friends and yes, I do seek prayer and sympathy. How can we bear one another’s burdens Gal. 6:2 or weep with those who weep Rom. 12:15 if our struggles are not shared? Now I’m not talking about walking around with a “poor me” complex. Am I missing something? Still, I’m not convinced of the statement. Have you thought about or studied this issue? Do you have a verse to Biblically support your position? Is it always wrong to seek sympathy?
What a great observation! This is something I am definitely going to study! I do believe that we are to share in each others joy and sorrow and how can we do that if we do not share our joys and burdens with others. Personally, I find great comfort in knowing others are praying for me when I am going through a difficult time and am thankful for the compassion (perhaps sympathy) shown to me through the kind acts and words of others. I try to show the same sympathy to others when they are hurting. A kind word, a loving hug, a written note….these can be called sympathy by some, but I guess I have always thought that it is how the Bible expects us to treat one another.
I must say though, that leading through sympathy certainly is manipulative and I do not believe that is Christ like.
Thanks for the thoughts! It has me thinking…and now studying! 🙂
I think we are supposed to request prayer from our peers but not sympathy.
That’s hard to do sometimes. LOL.
I think what we are looking for from others when we share our burdens and, sorrows is empathy.
Sympathy can be felt by others too but, this can be detrimental to both parties. Empathy is understanding
the emotions and, feelings of another. Sympathy is actually “feeling the feelings” of others.
When we get so close that we are engaged in true sympathy, we can become useless to help because
we too are overcome with grief.
I am an RN. We are trained to emphasize with clients. Sympathy is frowned upon. I more than once
had to leave a clients room and, wipe my tears. Yet, I regrouped and remained strong. They needed help.
They didn’t need me to join them in their grief.
I was going to talk about the difference in empathy and sympathy, but Betty has done that. Another similar topic would be the difference between those two things and pity. Some people live for pity, feeling like a victim all the time. I agree with your last paragraph, Esther. The problem with the statement you saw on the screen is the word “always.” Very seldom will a statement using “always” or “never” be completely true. It is usually good to show sympathy, but there are times when that will just make the person feel sorry for himself and therefore it would not be helpful. And like you said, sometimes we need someone to share our troubles, but to go around asking for sympathy shows too much dwelling on oneself and one’s own problems. Very interesting, Esther.
Yes, the ‘never’ statement is actually wrong, most likely in the vein of preaching against conceit. If we should look about for angels in the making being sympathetic to a righteous cause while incidentally stirring up in the process good sympathy for that cause, then we would have led by sympathetic example.