Why does feeling bad bring out the worst in me? I guess it’s good that it happens to remind me of the ugliness inside. Lots of that ugliness has come to the surface in the last few weeks. I have been short tempered and self-centered. I have actually been surprised at the things coming out of my mouth.
The kids have been fighting more than usual, probably because of the lack of the structure we usually have and also the adjustments to having a new baby at home. One day I heard myself spout angrily, “If you can’t say something nice…pray until you think of something,” my version of the old saying. Guilt flooded my heart. It was so easy to say, but I certainly wasn’t doing that.
I purposed right then and there to put my own words into practice. You know it really is hard to be kind when you’re thinking ugly thoughts–nearly impossible I would say. So when I’ve been tempted to spout mean things to my husband and children I have remained quiet…and prayed, purposefully thanking God for all the good things about them. Slowly the anger would disappear and I could be kind instead. I have not done this perfectly; in fact, I’ve failed miserably at times, but I’ve purposed to get back up and once again focus my thoughts where they should be. But oh what peace and harmony have come from the times I’ve kept my mouth shut…and prayed!