Why does feeling bad bring out the worst in me? I guess it’s good that it happens to remind me of the ugliness inside. Lots of that ugliness has come to the surface in the last few weeks. I have been short tempered and self-centered. I have actually been surprised at the things coming out of my mouth.
The kids have been fighting more than usual, probably because of the lack of the structure we usually have and also the adjustments to having a new baby at home. One day I heard myself spout angrily, “If you can’t say something nice…pray until you think of something,” my version of the old saying. Guilt flooded my heart. It was so easy to say, but I certainly wasn’t doing that.
I purposed right then and there to put my own words into practice. You know it really is hard to be kind when you’re thinking ugly thoughts–nearly impossible I would say. So when I’ve been tempted to spout mean things to my husband and children I have remained quiet…and prayed, purposefully thanking God for all the good things about them. Slowly the anger would disappear and I could be kind instead. I have not done this perfectly; in fact, I’ve failed miserably at times, but I’ve purposed to get back up and once again focus my thoughts where they should be. But oh what peace and harmony have come from the times I’ve kept my mouth shut…and prayed!
I’ve been following/stalking your blog for a while now :). This post is so truthful. A lot of the things we say comes directly from the heart. Thank God for grace.
One word: Ouch! Thanks for the reminder, Esther.
Wow! That’s a really good thing to remember. For all of us. “If you can’t say something nice…pray until you think of something.”
Sound wisdom, not only for kids, but even (especially!) for adults. Speaking before we think/pray is a plague we must ward off our whole lives! Good post. HOpe you all had a good Christmas.
Great post, Esther! Such an important lesson and a wonderful reminder. Thanks for sharing.
I have been feeling equally as crazy with my mouth lately. I think it is because there isn’t much structure, but man, it is not fun when your almost 3 year old parrots some of the things you say.
Thanks for this post! I needed to hear it today! 🙂
I agree with you completely Esther. I would even go one step further and say that one reason we tend to have negative thoughts about other people is because we fail to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Many times when kids fight, or even when we feel angry at something that a child has done, it’s because we assume they did it on purpose – we assume that they meant to be inconsiderate, rude, self-centered, or whatever.
The reality is that there are lots of reasons why people act as they do, and if we can keep in mind that they are doing the best they can with what they have (i.e. maybe they had a bad day, maybe they’re feeling low, etc.) it gives us a different perspective on things.
We lose the “angry” part of us that says, “How could do they DO that?”
I just find that when I teach my kids (and myself!)to re-frame their thoughts like this, then they are able to work out their issues with each other better.
Along with teaching them to give in to the greater good, I find it really makes a difference.
Just my 2 cents 🙂
Isn’t it amazing that the kids mirror our actions so much. Anytime my kids really start being mean to each other, I reexamine how I’m treating them. Am I spending enough time with each of them? Am I being patient and kind? The answers are often humbling. I’ve often had to apologize to my kids for having the wrong attitude myself! It does help, though. After all, none of us are perfect, and I’d have for them to resent me for expecting things of them that I don’t do myself.
love this and so true for us to remember!
Thanks for the reminder. I let somethings get the best of me sometimes, and it is not good 🙁
I have felt the EXACT same way for the last few weeks. Christmas is supposed to be a time of love and service and sharing but I find that the busier I get, the more I neglect my kiddos, the angrier/impatient I become, the more THEY fight, etc. It has not been fun.
We are trying to get back into gear. I LOVE your idea. It’s awesome. Thanks for the advise.
good for you to know yourself! and what an example you set for you children! silence is golden!
That’s wonderful, Esther! Sometimes God uses my own words to boomerang upon myself, too!
Sometimes I am shocked what comes out of my mouth… I need to practice that – might just need to be on my New Year’s list!
Oh Esther – I think the Lord’s been working with me on that for so many years. This one in particular. So many times when I want to say something a quite voice says “Is that really going to help the situation? – just be quite and wait” – SOOO hard sometimes. We’re with you girl. I think the more we practice the easier (a bit) that it gets.
I a new follower. What you are saying here is very true. We should be our children teacher and be an example for them.