With my background in Biblical counseling, I find communication issues very interesting. While it’s very easy to find problems in the way other people relate, it is much more difficult in one’s own relationships. Here is an excerpt from our life.
The last few months Jason and I have had a running discussion about restaurants. I think he never goes to the ones I choose, and he thinks he always goes to the ones I choose. Puzzling. One day after church he suggested Taco Bell for lunch. I told him that I really didn’t want Taco Bell, but that if he was set on it, to go ahead. “Well then, does Steak and Shake sound good?” That sounded fine to me.
When we were sitting there waiting for our food, he looked at me, and to make sure I was clear on things, said, “Now see, you picked this restaurant. I brought you to the one you wanted to come to.” (Now let me just insert here that he was bringing it up because from his vantage point, he really thought he was doing what I wanted.)
I gaped at him. “What? I didn’t pick this restaurant. You did.”
Now completely offended, he said, “No, I wanted to go to Taco Bell, but I brought you here.” We argued the issue back and forth for a few minutes getting no where. You see, it’s not that I minded where we were eating. In fact I think I’m very blessed that Jason enjoys taking me out to eat with our four small children in tow. My problem was not that he was picking the places where we go, but that he was picking them and then telling me that it was my choice. In his mind he was doing what I wanted and I wasn’t appreciating it.
Finally I said, “Ok, let’s reverse the rolls. I’m driving and in charge. I say that I would really like to go to the Olive Garden, and you say that no, that doesn’t sound very good. So I say, “Ok then, does the Macaroni Grill sound ok?” and you say, “Yes.”
So we sit down at the Macaroni Grill, and I say, “Ok, you picked the restaurant this time, so don’t ever say that I choose all the time.” His eyes were finally opened to my perspective, thank you Lord!
Posted with Jason’s blessing!
role reversals gotta love em. Following you via the Hop on for the love of blogs.
Looking forward to reading you in the future! 🙂
Reminds me of Election Day. I’m not necessarily voting for my “choice,” even though I do vote!
That is soooo funny. It always amazes me how the conversations between a husband and wife can sure get messed up. I have had many similiar conversations.
I got your email with your address. I can’t wait to hear what you think about the Balsamic Sauces… Congrats!!
Oh! The joys of communicating with our hubby from Mars! hehehe.. Communication is one of the areas we need so much work on and I can sooooo relate to this post. hahaha.. Have a blessed “communication” week, Esther! 🙂
I was just reading a new book (Will share a review soon on Marriage Mondays) that included a whole scenario about restaurant choosing. 🙂 It seems like it’s a point of contention for a lot of couples. I usually dread choosing a restaurant. I’m glad to hear we aren’t the only ones who struggle to communicate over restaurants. This is one area I pray over, that God would help me to see life from my hubby’s perspective, and that He would help my hubby see things from mine. It really is a divine ability 🙂
Thanks for linking to Marriage Mondays,
Julie
Wow, you are clever. I think we’ve had some of those kinds of conversations. We thought we were giving in to the other, and the issue has often been restaurants, when perhaps all we were doing was listing our choices and letting our spouse pick from that. Big difference! YOu handled it well.
Linked from Marriage Mondays. I have a post up today about engagement.
wb
I love it! That’s totally what guys think. LOL!!
Fortunately I love to go out to eat anywhere. I’d rather just let him choose than have him be magnanimous and take me to my choice and him not like anything. He’s particular, but the worst things he ever picks are Golden Corral and Whataburger. I don’t really mind either one and after those his choices are places I’m completely enthusiastic about.
LOL – We go out to lunch once a week – and I love how we decide where to go. I think I probably communicate like your husband! LOL – I need to straighten that out. I love the semantics of your post – words do mean something – and how they are structured:)
I see this as your husband wanting credit for accommodating your wishes. But most of all, I see myself and my husband in your disagreement here, Esther. It makes me smile to know that we’re not alone in this crazy marriage dance that we do. 🙂 Great thought-provoking post as always!
Always a good thing to take a step back and try to see the other person’s side!