If you’d like to start at the beginning of my story click here:
Part 1 Losing my Baby: No Early Warning Signs.
Do we still want more children? A few brave souls have asked. A number of people have hinted in hopes I would offer information. Others probably wonder but don’t want to ask. It can be a touchy topic after one loses a baby.
I was very content with my four children when we set out to see if God would bless us with one more. I said that I would be happy either way. But when I found out I was expecting baby number five, I was thrilled. Then I was equally devastated to find out that my baby had died.
Many people told me stories of how the Lord blessed them with another child right away after they lost one and how He turned their tears to joy. I am so, so happy for them. I think they were trying to give me hope of another child in the midst of pain, and I really appreciated it.
You know, it’s really harder not to want another one after we were so excited about the baby we were not able to bring home. What keeps coming to my mind, however, is the story of Rachel who demanded, “Give me children, or else I die” (Genesis 30:1). She had children all right, then died in child birth. I must, now more than ever, be content with whatever number the Lord blesses us with.
So although, yes, we still would like to have another child, I am actively, daily putting my desire in the hands of the Lord, because one way or the other He knows what is best for me and for my family. I don’t want to be a Rachel. I want to be like Job who could say, “The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” ( Job 1:21). And I guess if He blesses me with eight more children I wouldn’t complain . . . or would I?
Click here to continue reading about my journey.
This post is linked to Works for me Wednesdays and Women in the Word Wednesdays.
It sounds like you have made peace with your loss and have a positive way of looking at things.
Whew, eight more children?!! I have a hard time just typing it, let alone thinking about it 😉
This is the most beautiful post! You so accurately describe the feelings and emotions that go along with loss. I pray for you and your family.
Very precious, Esther.
If you had 8 more children, there’d probably be days you would complain. But overall you wouldn’t know what you’d do without each and every face sitting around your dining table 🙂 Myself? I’d die of heart failure at some point. After visiting my brother last week who has only 4 children, I almost had a nervous breakdown.
… totally surrendered to Him, no matter the circumstances, no matter the feelings, no matter the place of plenty or little… It sounds like you are in a good place in your relationship with Him!
And of course, may you have several more, naming them Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness and Faithfulness! Hold on, that’s only 5… (I would insert a smiley face here, but don’t know how)
Jayne Gautreau says
Thank you for what you shared, I found your blog on the Good morning girls link up Wed. I too have just gone through an early miscarriage. Many did not know I was pregnant and so I have not openly put it on my blog or anything, but what you wrote was comforting, I could very much identify with it! Thank you!
Sorry for your loss.
I am visiting today from GMG.
Elizabeth Grimes says
Amazing perspective. Poignant and touching. So sorry for your pain and loss.
This is a great post, you have dealt with pain and loss and kept your faith! Awesome. 8 more kids would make for a really funny blog look what you can do with the ones you have!!!
Thanks for the glimpse into your heart. May God bless you with more little lives
You have such a great attitude. I’ve thought so since I “met” you. You are inspiring.
How precious it is that you would choose to seek a godly perspective in this most difficult time! I know that pleases the Lord. As I read your story I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. I trust God will allow you to minister to others from the lessons you have learned from this experience.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and your sweet comments on my post about my Grandmother.
I read this from the beginning, and I am sorry for your loss. I miscarried at 13 weeks, and you have accurately discribed what I was feeling!
I’m with you – children are a blessing (even when there are tears!) and we look forward to seeing how our family expands too 🙂
whoops!! I was typing too fast 🙂 I meant to thank you for your sweet comments on my post about my awesome husband – and that is one of our favorite songs 🙂
Carly A. K. says
I’ve been wondering how you were doing, too, but just never took the time to sit down and send an e-mail. (Plus, I always figure people hear “How are you doing?” so often after a trial or loss that I hate to bother them.) Your blog posts about your miscarriage are definitely a testimony to God’s sustaining grace. Thank you for sharing your emotions so openly.
I am sorry for your loss. We lost our first and only child Bobby July 09 and although I do not have a faith and I never have done, I do believe ‘what will be will be’.
This was such a moving post to read. I am so very sorry for the loss of your child. You have strong faith and it really shines through your words here.
Robert Fabel says
My wife and I lost twin boys some 26 years ago I often think of them and what they would look like now, you never forget and we should never forget. But the Lord always watches out for us,he has blessed us with three daughters and 10 grandchildren some times we can not understand his wisdom at first but through faith all will be revealed.
I want to say thank you for the postings because I know we are not alone. I had a very similar situation March 2010. My first ultrasound showed nothing on it. I had no symptoms either that I lost my baby. For two weeks the tests and ultrasounds concluded that the baby died. After my D&C I cried as well for the loss. My husband and I did go on to have another child. Unlike you we kept our loss a secret from many. We had 3 beautiful kids at home to take care of and we had to keep going. We went on to have another child quickly and this is where I learned that prayer and putting my trust in God to protect us was the best thing for my family. The pain never really goes away but it does get a little easier each day. After my daughter was born 6 weeks early this January 7th, I so much want another child because this is God’s greatest miracle that we create. God Bless you and your family.
Polly Scott says
I recently had a miscarriage myself. Faith in God is what pulled me through. I’m so grateful to know He has a plan for me. Like you, I try to find the joy in life through writing humor.
There is such peace in trusting the Lord with our desires. After my first miscarriage, I was so angry with the Lord. It took me quite awhile to come to terms with the reality that He DOES know what’s in my best interest. I earnestly prayed that He would help me respond better to the next event that didn’t go my way. After miscarriage #2, I realized (like you) that the Lord could give me my way, but it might end up in disaster. That realization put such confidence in the sovreignty of the Lord!