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Do we still want more children? A few brave souls have asked. A number of people have hinted in hopes I would offer information. Others probably wonder but don’t want to ask. It can be a touchy topic after one loses a baby.
I was very content with my four children when we set out to see if God would bless us with one more. I said that I would be happy either way. But when I found out I was expecting baby number five, I was thrilled. Then I was equally devastated to find out that my baby had died.
Many people told me stories of how the Lord blessed them with another child right away after they lost one and how He turned their tears to joy. I am so, so happy for them. I think they were trying to give me hope of another child in the midst of pain, and I really appreciated it.
You know, it’s really harder not to want another one after we were so excited about the baby we were not able to bring home. What keeps coming to my mind, however, is the story of Rachel who demanded, “Give me children, or else I die” (Genesis 30:1). She had children all right, then died in child birth. I must, now more than ever, be content with whatever number the Lord blesses us with.
So although, yes, we still would like to have another child, I am actively, daily putting my desire in the hands of the Lord, because one way or the other He knows what is best for me and for my family. I don’t want to be a Rachel. I want to be like Job who could say, “The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” ( Job 1:21). And I guess if He blesses me with eight more children I wouldn’t complain . . . or would I?