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If you give a child a balloon…

If you give a child a balloon... #humor #parenting

I hate balloons.  I hate, I HATE balloons. 

If you give a child a balloon he might smile…for a minute.  I mean, if it’s a full minute that’s amazing, because usually within a few seconds something goes REALLY wrong. 

The siblings.  Rarely are there balloons to go around for all the children so usually one child doesn’t get one.  That’s where it begins, “Waaaaa I want a balloon too….”  So mom now has one gloating child and other crying children and always in a public place.  Mommy puts on her happy face and begin consoling, instructing, encouraging, disciplining, threatening…  I hate balloons.

The thumping.  If by some miracle there are enough balloons to go around, mommy holds her breath until the next problem.  Mom is trying to do shopping or visit with friends while children are all thump, thump, thumping the balloons.  How can one THINK like this?  I hate balloons.

The escape.  Never, ever, ever can we get all the way back home and into the house with all the evil objects.  Inevitably one sails up, up, up into the beautiful, quiet abyss that is not Mom’s world.  “Waaaaa!”  Once again Mommy puts on her happy face, though it’s not as convincing this time, and consoles, instructs, encourages.  I hate balloons.

The car ride.  If by a further miracle balloons are still in tact, as if there hadn’t been enough torture already, there is the car ride home.  “She’s touching my balloon!”  “He stole my balloon!” “She’s putting her balloon so I can’t see, ON PURPOSE!” “Stop it.  She’s making my hair stand up!” Then of course there’s more thump, thump, thumping.  I hate balloons.

The next escape.  If balloons remain to this point, we’re all a scary mess, but never, and I mean never is it possible to open the car doors to get out without a balloon getting blown out into the street.  Children lose their heads and go chasing them through the street, unavoidably falling and skinning their knees, in the middle of the street!  True story.  More crying children. I hate balloons.

The pop.  Yes, of course, eventually they pop, either by accident or by a child with a suspicious grin left on his face.   More tears.  Please, make it stop!  I hate balloons. 

The fright.  On a rare occasion a balloon survives the day.  Children go to bed happy.  Mom takes a stress less pill, and combs her additional gray hairs.  Sleep comes.  A cry in the night sends Mom up the stairs and through the dark house in search of her crying baby when, WHAM she slams into a ghost right in the middle of her usually clear hallway.  Argggg! I hate balloons.  I hate, I HATE balloons! 

Esther

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18 Comments Filed Under: Funny, Kids, Parenting

Comments

  1. Mari says

    May 14, 2015 at 10:11 am

    I am DYING laughing. All of this is SO TRUE!

    Reply
    • EstherIrish says

      May 14, 2015 at 11:33 am

      lol I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

      Reply
  2. kimberly says

    May 14, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    Haha, I agree wholeheartedly.

    Reply
    • EstherIrish says

      May 14, 2015 at 1:09 pm

      Balloon haters unite! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  3. Dina P says

    May 14, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    Ooohhhh, I really needed this laugh today.

    Reply
    • EstherIrish says

      May 14, 2015 at 4:49 pm

      This makes me happy! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  4. Jen says

    May 14, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    Ha! So good to know I am not alone. Sometimes I feel like the crazy mean mom in a group of Michelle Duggars. Always working on that patience. Sigh:)

    Reply
    • EstherIrish says

      May 15, 2015 at 9:06 am

      lol Would that we all COULD be Michelle Duggars! I just heard her speak at a homeschool conference. She amazes me! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  5. Joy says

    May 15, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    Oh dear. My Town is having their annual festival tomorrow. Our church decided
    to pass out free BALLOONS (with our name on them) to all the children.
    Ha! I know we are going to win Moms hearts tomorrow. ๐Ÿ˜‰ LOL

    Reply
    • EstherIrish says

      May 17, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      Oh Joy, how this made me laugh! I sure hope all went well with lots of happy children, no wind, and balloons to go around. lol

      Reply
  6. Becky says

    May 18, 2015 at 6:39 pm

    Love your honesty mama. Makes me feel soooo much better about my Talking-Elmo-Doll breakdown yesterday:)

    Reply
    • EstherIrish says

      May 18, 2015 at 9:42 pm

      Ha ha! My husband said that maybe we just have naughty children, but I say na it’s just the balloons. If it weren’t for balloons they are all angels. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  7. Suanna says

    May 19, 2015 at 6:48 pm

    I’m not a big fan of balloons either. They can be fun for a short time, but I dislike the latex smell.

    Reply
    • EstherIrish says

      May 19, 2015 at 11:28 pm

      Yes, and someone else mentioned the squeaky sounds they make when the kids run their fingers over them. Argh!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  8. AMB @ The Misfortune of Knowing says

    January 4, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    Ha! It’s also bad when they DON’T pop or escape and instead hang around forever, sinking lower and lower, while cluttering up my house! My kids never let me throw them away.

    Reply
  9. Healing Mama says

    January 20, 2016 at 10:37 am

    I thought I was the only one who hated balloons. Hahaha! This was so funny!

    Reply
  10. Aakash says

    March 22, 2016 at 11:31 pm

    This is bad who can hates a beautiful things… That gives us smile.. Happiness.. ???? . I love them so much that if I become parents I would give my children balloons every time they ask… Hahah Being 22yrs.

    Reply

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Hi! We believe laughter is the best medicine. Join in with us as we share our family laughs, fun with food, and love of travel. Great to meet you! Esther Irish




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