Grace (and a little humor too) is so important in marriage. This summer we will celebrate 19 years of marriage. It has been so fun to see us change, grow, and mature as a couple over the years.
Yesterday we were driving home from church. In our marriage Jason is the driver and I am the uh…navigator, for better or for worse. Ha ha. Jason is decidedly the better driver between us, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t make me nervous. He tends to spend a lot of time looking at the scenery, and I have no idea how he stays on the road, but he always manages to. It’s just this second nature to him.
You all have my full blessing in feeling sorry for him as I am the nervous passenger wife who spends lots of my time yelling and shrieking. And that is how you would have found us yesterday.
Cars in a sale lot. That’s what he was looking at, but all I could see was the curb coming closer and closer and then that moment in which I KNEW we were going to hit the curb, crash through the fence, and smash those brand new cars with my still very new 2016 Ford Transit van. I played it all out in my head. Can you blame me for the yelling and shrieking that ensued?
My poor, sweet husband visibly jumped in his seat so much that his hands left the steering wheel completely. I scared him half to death! Miraculously he recovered the wheel, swerved the van, and didn’t hit a thing.
I’m pretty sure that every man and at least half the women I know would not blame my husband one bit for tearing into me. My outburst could have single-handedly caused an accident. For crying out loud!
You know what he did? He said, “I think I was fine. I think I have a pretty good presence of mind to keep the car on the road, but thank you for trying to warn me,” and then he smiled!
I swooned! My man! How I love him. I also laughed so hard there were tears in my eyes. The vision of him jumping so high when I shrieked is just too hilarious! And you know what? He laughed with me.
Here’s the thing. After all these years of marriage and talking and fighting daily issues out, he knows I wasn’t trying to be mean or hurt him when I screamed like a maniac. He understands that in that moment I was actually scared to death. I thought we were all about to me smashed. It was very real in my head! And in that moment he was wise and understanding enough to realize that and answer with kindness and not in anger and defensiveness. Wow!
It’s so important to get to the heart of our actions and learn to love each other in spite and through our short comings. Work at it! Seek that understanding into why your spouse is they way they are. And you know, on a different day the same scenario may play out differently. He may be on edge or distracted and discouraged and not respond so well. And that’s when I will have to look deeper and be willing to love and forgive.
Grace. God’s grace. It’s not just something He did for us, it’s also something He expects us to extend to others.
You sound like us as my husband drives for us as he is also a better drive. And traffic bothers me sometimes and I do not want to drive with my son in the car as my daughter was killed in a accident and I am to afraid I would have a wreak and hurt my son. But like you if I do not like something I scream and David just says we will be OK. And sometimes that just makes me angry but I know he is trying to assure me. So I am trying to be better and say thank you more.
My husband does the same thing! Great advice in this article. After almost 11 years of marriage I have learned not to sweat the small stuff but find the humor in it. My husband swerves on purpose sometimes just to laugh at me when I gasp.