If you’re not dealing with anger in marriage from time to time, you’re probably not married! Two people living together as one, and trying to make decisions together will experience friction. How these situations are handled will result in either a deeper sweeter harmony or build up time and time again until the relationship is an ugly mess.
Sometimes we see how silly we’re being and burst out laughing. Those time are much more frequent than early in our marriage when we were still figuring each other out. Still, sometimes I get REALLY mad…
Everyone gets mad.
I was mad at my man. It doesn’t really matter why. I mean I could paint a pretty bad picture of him if I wanted to, but what would be the good in that? He could tell you things that would all be true and I would sound pretty awful too. There are always two sides. When you live with someone you see all of their faults, and they can really bug you if you let them.
Anyway, I was mad. I felt justified in my anger. I wanted to be mad. The way he was treating me wasn’t right. I played those things back over and over in my mind all day. When he got home I didn’t want to see him. I cooked his supper and was happy he needed to run errands after the kids went to bed.
It wasn’t right. I knew it wasn’t right, BUT (I used that word in my mind quite a bit.) what he was doing wasn’t right, and I wasn’t going to let him get away with it! Struggling with all of these things in my mind that day, I felt convicted about my thoughts and attitudes, but I kept justifying them.
Don’t justify your anger.
You know what? There is no justifying them! Everyone had gone to bed. I stopped in my tracks in mid-stride as I walked across the floor. Why do I EXPECT things to run smoothly as I would want them? The answer was obvious: Because I’m living for me! Esther, life is not about you. I sat down where I was and poured my heart out to God, purposefully, doing these things:
Ask for Forgiveness.
First, of all I asked God’s forgiveness, because to be angry at how my life is going is really to be angry at God. It is blaming God for not giving me what would make me happy, as if I DESERVE better. What I deserve was paid for at the cross. Thankfully I will never get what I deserve.
Second, I thanked God. I thanked Him for my husband, and I listed all of the great things about him that I could think of. Yes, God has given me a great husband. I thought about women all over the world that really live in terrible situations. How blessed I am! How could I become discontent over such petty things?
Ask God for Help.
Next I asked God to soften my heart. In my own power I knew I would only ever harden my heart. I would just keep thinking about myself and how I had been wronged. Asking God to give me the grace to do what would please Him, I went to sleep at peace.
The next morning I woke up and prayed all those same things about my children. I struggle with anger toward them as well when things don’t go my way.
God softened my heart toward my husband and my children. I enjoyed my day with them. Each time I thought about my husband I pushed away the angry thoughts and thanked God for him, constantly listing in my mind the things I love about him.
When he came home, I was truly happy to see him. We had a wonderful evening and that night I was able to talk to him about the things that I had been angry about. I explained why they had hurt my feelings. You know what? He apologized, and told me that he shouldn’t have behaved the way had and asked for my forgiveness!
Keep dealing with anger in marriage
I thanked the Lord for loving me, for bringing me to my knees and showing me my sin. And I thanked Him for restoring my relationship with my husband…until the next time that I get really mad. And there’s the rub. Chances are we won’t master this on earth, but the more we keep doing the right thing the easier it will become. Married 22 years and still dealing with anger in marriage! When we fail, we have to get back up, make things right, and keep working. Who’s with me? 🙂