The automatic question people ask after finding out that we are expecting another baby seems to be, “Are you excited?” That is a tough question to answer for me right now. And since the question is usually just asked in passing, there really isn’t opportunity to explain even if I wanted to. I guess I could answer either yes or no and be truthful. Sometimes I hear myself answering, “No, not really,” and then I see the frowns on people’s faces as they walk away.
I will be very excited to bring home a baby this next winter! But do I feel excited right now? No, not really. After having a miscarriage, there is a realization that things may not all end like I hope they do. I will never be able to take a pregnancy for granted again. I wonder often if my baby’s heart is still beating. That’s not to say that I’m sitting around fretting and anxious. I know that it’s in the Lord’s hands and that He will give me the grace to handle whatever He has in store for me when the time comes.
Yet on the flip side, I am not jumping up and down excited either. I am happy. I am content, though I am feeling sick and exhausted all of the time, too. I don’t think my lack of excitement is a sinful lack of trust in God, though I can see how people might draw that conclusion. I am simply resting, waiting, knowing that I will have to be content no matter what tomorrow may bring.
Beautiful post Esther. I think you explained it perfectly. Praying for you and your little one.
Thanks for the post! I am 13 weeks into my pregnancy after a miscarriage and I feel very similar to what you are saying! It is hard to explain to people. I am happy and grateful but not sure of anything except God’s faithfulness! I appreciate your blog, it is always so encouraging (or entertaining!).
I concur… Think of you and your family often… We can only pray and trust. Hope your energy and excitement (and even more than that) return soon!
Karen Greenberg says
Ah, don’t worry about the look on the faces of others if you say you are not excited. Too many people judge and assume they know how you should feel.
Your question are valid but remember we serve a God who has everything in control. bring your concerns to Him and let Him put your mind and heart at rest.
How did I miss that you are pregnant? Congratulations. I’ve never had a miscarriage, but totally understand why you would feel the way you do. You’e right though. God has a plan. I’m excited for you and praying for you.
I understand. I, too, experienced what you are going through. Still praying for God’s perfect will in your life. Praying also for a sense of peace for you.
I find it interesting that when people ask a question there seems to be, in their mind, only one right answer. For example, “Are you excited?” Well, to me if only one answer is acceptable, why even ask the question?
Anyway – just my two cents for the day 🙂
Totally understandable being cautious and not knowing exactly how to feel at any particular moment. Hormones are in play, to boot. You poor girl — I hope it goes quickly and effortlessly for you. 🙂
Rosilind Jukic says
Some people will just never understand the fear and anxiety that comes with being pregnant after a miscarriage. Even thought with my last pregnancy and this one I have had an underlying assurance that things would be okay, there is still that niggling fear every time the ultrasound date comes around. We’ll both feel better when we can feel baby really moving around. Until then, there is always that thought in the back of our heads.
First of all! Congratulations- I didn’t know you were expecting:)
Secondly- I hear ya. We lost our first baby, and our second and third before we had the pumpkin. And once you have had a miscarriage- you really cant go back to that state of taking for granted that everything will turn out just the way you hope. There is a dose of reality that just doesn’t fade. The good news though is that when you do have a baby after hardship- it is just SO sweet!
My prayers are with you and your family. All my love. And hugs!
Rebecca Dunning says
Really precious post. I wish the very best!
You just keep on keeping on Esther! Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks! You feel the way you feel. The important thing is that when the little dear is placed in your arms you are the best Mama you can be for him! (or her) I don’t know why but I think of it as a him :)Take care of yourself get some rest I hope the sickly/exhausted feeling goes away soon for ya! Praying for you and your family.
Been there. I had a HARD time not panicing if I didn’t feel the baby kick, or had spottng, or any warning sign that led to a miscarriage. Hugs to you! I hope you are able to embrace those first flutters and the miracle that God is knitting together inside of you 🙂
Susan Evans says
I’m still praying for you. It’s not a sin to hold off with the excitement. I totally get it.
A sensitive post. Best wishes Ester. And I would be never going through this excitement like you girls !! It must be really very different to be a woman.
“I don’t think my lack of excitement is a sinful lack of trust in God, though I can see how people might draw that conclusion.”
That’s just hard stuff…I feel ya, and find it very very hard to learn to trust God with our children from the moment they are in the womb and on…but it is a very wise, good, and loving God who teaches us to do so. And God loves Esther more than she realizes 🙂
I totally know what you’re talking about Esther. I am excited about bringing home a baby but being pregnant has its ups and downs. Also, when people ask how many kids we want or if we’re done having kids, I feel like they want a one word answer and it’s more of an essay.
People ask ‘social questions’ because they don’t know what to say and then again that is a ‘judgement type question’ and you know that deal ~ ‘judge not lest you be judged’ ~ You need to try and just let peoples comments go by & listen to yourself ~ No one has the ‘right’ to do your ‘inventory’ ~ It is your life ~ live it how you choose ~ and trust in your God ~ ^_^ ~ LOL ~ you don’t even have to listen to this comment ~ hugs ^_^
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
No one can tell you how to feel. If you reply, “Not really.” as to the excitement of pregnancy, most people may from, but it may be they just don’t know what to say or don’t want to press. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage, and it was hard to put feelings into a baby until I had my daughter in my arms. Then getting pregnant 4 weeks after that? Not the most exciting thing to hear. Besides, who enjoys morning sickness?
I think your feelings are natural. I’m sure you are excited, but you are being extremely cautious. I’ve always thought that question “are you excited?” is silly!
Praising God for this sweet little life in you womb, and praying for his/her safety.