Years ago a lady in the church that I attended invited me to a women’s Bible study. I had heard such great things about the study that I could not wait to start. From the beginning, however, I found that it really was not for me. The group was very strict. In fact, they held to an “if you didn’t do the homework, don’t bother coming” policy. Once you were there with homework in hand, they called on people randomly to produce the correct answer. I would agonize over the answers to the study and get my husband to help me. I didn’t ever want to have to answer a question unless I knew my answer was right. This was a class on the book of Romans, and no matter how hard I studied, I just wasn’t that confident about those answers. To make matters worse, it was an interdenominational study and the way-off-doctrinal answers bothered me as well.
I really don’t like to quit things that I’ve committed to. My parents always encouraged me to stay with something during the hard times because it usually gets better or easier—a principle that through the years has helped me very much in my life. So even though I absolutely did not enjoy this Bible study, I kept telling myself that I had to make it until Christmas, and that if I still felt the same, then I’d allow myself to quit. I was never so happy to reach Christmas because I did not want to go back!
Soon after the holidays, I encountered the lady at church who invited me, and she asked if I planned to attend the Bible study the next semester. I told her that I wasn’t. She started in a very friendly manner to strongly encourage me to go back.
I said, “No, you don’t understand. I hated going to the study. I’ve been making myself go for weeks. Every week I dreaded it. I would spend hours on those questions, and still I would be very nervous about having them call on me during the class time. I’ve really just haaaaated it. I made it till Christmas, but I don’t ever want to go back!” Finally, I took a breath.
The poor lady looked at me with eyebrows raised and said something like, “Oh well, ok, then.”
My mom happened to be with me and was standing just a couple of feet away. When I rejoined her, she said quietly but very pointedly, “Why don’t you tell her how you really feel?”
WOW! It must have been THAT bad…..and, my dad drilled into me the same principle….if you start something, you finish it….
I see what your parents did my parents did the same once you start you finish..Now I do have to say something about how they are very strong in the homework. Most bible study at church aren’t that hard. but we have to be students of the gospel. I’ve been to many bible study classes at church and never heard anyone say if you don’t do the homework don’t come..to me it’s not right. Because what will happen is people will end up leaving and feel pressure and that is not what Christ intended…He want everyone to get the word and get it freely without mans rules.
So sis what are you going to do are you going to really go back and tell her why you said No? I would like to know how you handle this, if you don’t mind letting me know. I agree with your mom tell her how you feel.
I had the same feelings about BSF. And their attendance policy too! I have a special needs kid and I had to miss from time to time. I didn’t like the way-off doctrine either. I, too, hated it. I am glad our ladies study at church isn’t like that and we can feel comfortable and be ourselves.
Glad you spoke your heart. The poor unsuspecting bible lady though. He he… Oh well, she’ll have to expect more of that if they are going to be so legalistic.
Bible study should be done in love of the word of God not through condemnation. We all get enough of that in the world.
Denni
I’ve gone to BSF and while I enjoyed the lecture time the group time is exactly the way you described. I remember feeling exactly the way you felt. They are very strict and some things I understood, but others, not so much. My girlfriend and I started a bible book club in 2009 at our church and we meet twice a month, read a book and discuss together. There are no requirements! You don’t even have to read the book to be there and boy has God blessed us all. We have sweet intimacy and really see God at work. All of those rules with BSF suck the intimacy right out of it and that is something women really need. Good job trying to stick with it 🙂
Ha ha! Well at least you didn’t leave her wondering! 🙂
Sticking with something is one thing, torture is completely different…I wonder if the Sanhedrin were similar?
Life’s too short, Esther. Sounds like the BSF was run by a group of controlling, instead of nurturing, people — and that’s too bad.
You know, I’m really glad you posted this. I’ve been invited to BSF multiple times as well, but always turned it down for various reasons. Now I can see I made the right choice! I certainly don’t have time in my life for mandatory homework! Especially for studying doctrines I wouldn’t agree with. As for speaking my mind, um, yeah… I won’t tell you how many times I’ve had to apologize for speaking too directly! Even as a young girl!
You guys are so sweet. Actually everyone that I know that has gone to BSF really liked it. They found the mandatory homework very motivating and really benefited spiritually from it. Personally I found it intimidating, but that’s not to say it’s not a good program. My mom tells me I’m just too self conscious! 🙂
I was actually involved this summer in a study that I had to quit. The facilitator was an elementary school teacher, and she treated us like we were 6 year olds. It was a Beth Moore study and often the questions required very personal answers about your life. I didn’t know one person in this class, so I didn’t feel open to share the intimate details of my life. I mean – let’s face it. Just because we’re at church doesn’t mean people don’t judge and spread gossip. So I like to know someone before I spill the beans. When we got to class every week, she passed around a sheet that we were required to check if we did our homework or not. I never checked it. Not because I did my homework but because I felt that was confidential and I didn’t need everyone in the class to know my business. So one week, she asked me in front of everyone “Mari, did you now do your homework?” I said “Actually, I did, but it’s not the business of the whole class.” So then she asked how she should better handle the situation. I told her I didn’t have an answer for that, but I this way isn’t the right way. (She did initiate this confrontation in front of the whole class.) She also called on us to answer questions publicly. Some people didn’t mind answering the questions out loud. Some people did. So it’s not like we’d sit there in complete silence. So, a few days after this confrontation, I got a card in the mail from her telling me that the Holy Spirit revealed to her that I struggle with fear and then proceeded to tell me how to handle it. Then she went on to say that it’s not unreasonable for her to call on me at least once so that wouldn’t stop.
I never went back. But, I did finish the study on my own at home.
Oh, my, this is why I don’t go to church! I worship God and I pray daily and I don’t need a bunch of busybodies trying to control and intimidate me. Heehee, maybe I should go back one last time and tell them how I really feel 😉
I went to a women’s study three or four years ago with a handful of close friends, led by a woman in my church at the time. Half of us only made it halfway through. I guess you did better than me – my friend and I got asked to leave and not come back! All because we questioned the material, which was waayy off! It was a study on the “woman’s role” and all it did was make me feel horrible about being female. My friends and I spent those months with a perpetual, chaotic feeling inside – not the peace our Lord gives us. I did meet with the study leader later over coffee (a woman I truly did love) and tried to gently explain why I could not continue the study. She did NOT agree with me, but we parted on kindly terms. What I learned from that once again, is that Christ died to set us FREE and teaching that puts us back in chains is missing the heart of His message. (I have heard about BSF from friends and been invited to attend many times – but I know myself well enough to know that it’s not for me! I didn’t know their doctrine was that goofy, though. I see no reason why a believer should sit under teaching they can not reconcile with Scripture, so good for you for leaving!)
It looks like people have pretty serious feelings about all this Christian stuff! Well, about Bible Study, anyway. I have been to bible studies where many of the people slept through most of them, but then I’ve also been to life-filled, home groups or times of fellowship. The difference between the two? Probably the lack of law and religious practice … There truly can be life in good, godly, biblical times together … Hope you find a group like that …
Wow, Esther, I can so relate to this! A little over a year ago I was a part of a women’s ministry Bible study. I was actually very involved in providing the creative stuff to go with the study. Somewhere along the way things changed and I was being expected to lead a table of ladies. I don’t do teaching. It is not my area of giftedness. I began to really dread going to this study. It was so stressful that I ended up feeling like I NEVER want to do women’s ministry again. I finished the study with hard feelings for those that were trying to plug this square peg into a round hole. Funny but this study never started up again. We had as many as 35 ladies coming so there is a real need out there for this kind of thing. I think you have to let people be who God designed them to be, not who you think they should be. Sermon over! 😉
Dear Esther,
I’m sorry you had such a negative experience. I have been attending BSF for many years now and the studies have brought me to such an intimate level in my relationship with God.
My son is now in high school and has been attending BSF since grade school. He is one of the most Biblically literate kids I know.
You’re right, there is discipline. You’re going to have to diligently study the Bible each day. You’re expected to come prepared and it IS SCARY if you feel your answers are dumb (a frequent feeling for me but I’ve come to realize that that is part of the spiritual warfare that is going on when we listen to God via a Bible study)
Nevertheless, I’m not there for anyone but to develop my relationship with my Father.
I will also mention that BSF saved my parent’s marriage and my mother is now a small group discussion leader.
I hope by all the negative comments won’t discourage people from attending BSF who might otherwise have benefitted.
It’s the best Bible study I’ve ever attended in my life.
Sharon, Thank you so much for your comment! I have been bothered by some of the negative implications as that was not my intention at all. My point was how direct I can be at times, and I thought what my mom said was really funny. I actually went back and took the name of the study out. This happened many years ago and I did think the teaching coming from the lecture was very good and I am not against the daily homework either. We can’t learn if we don’t study! I think I might have felt differently if I had known some of the people in my group, but my mom was right–I was too self-conscious! I don’t think it would have bothered me if I could have just volunteered the answers I felt confident about, but I really hated being called on. I still do actually. I get so nervous that I literally forget my name when I’m called on! 🙂 Anyway I am glad you commented because although I don’t think it wrong that I preferred a different Bible study, I wouldn’t want to discourage someone from going who might really grow in the Lord and benefit through it.
I agree with you, Esther. The important thing is dedicating ourselves to Bible study. Personal study is wonderful and necessary and group studies are great for accountability and getting insight from others.
It’s funny how many times in Bible study I would be clueless as to a good answer and yet someone else would answer the same question with such insight.
I really enjoy your blog, thanks for taking time to answer. God bless!
That is TOTALLY how I feel about most women’s Bible studies that have inane questions. They drive me crazy! I have the weird feeling that most of those books were produced in a few days just to make a dollar. It’s kind of creepy. Reading the solid Word of God, on the other hand, THAT’S real meat and drink. Also, as far as books go, my favorite is “When God Weeps” by Johnny Ericson Tada. It is spiritually wonderful and eye-opening. It gave me chills about how awesome suffering can be, and why we suffer.
Hi Esther! Found your blog from ML’s blog. I think honesty is always the best policy . . .AND I’ve been in Bible studies similar to yours and WORSE, believe it or not. (they were teaching Scripture incorrectly!) Someone has to speak up and I’m glad you did! Praying God’s abundant blessings for you and yours in the New Year!
In Him,
Cherie
Hi Esther. Sorry this comment is so late but I just found your blog.
Two weeks ago I, along with 3 friends from my church, attended my first BSF introductory class. I didn’t know anyone else there so was glad of the company of my friends as I am rather shy and introverted. Last night I went along for my very first group discussion and was mortified to find that not only were none of my friends in my group but that they were all in the same group! One of my friends approached the leader after to address this and I am now waiting on a phonecall from this woman (gulp). I have spent the whole morning today researching this organisation (which is how I discovered your blog) and am convinced it is NOT for me but know God wanted to open my eyes to it’s existence and keep an eye on where it is headed so if need be I can warn my friends.
For the record, I think your mums comment was hilarious :o)
Angex
I have been a pastor’s wife and bible study leader for a looong time, and I’d like to chuck in my 2 cents. Some people love the structure of a bible study like that, and some people feel intimidated or pressured.l It’s not because you’re too self conscious, it has everything to do with where you are and your personality type. If a group is not a fit, find another one. Don’t bludgeon yourself over it! If you go to one where you grow in intimacy with Jesus, and in fellowship with those present, you’re at the right one. If you are at the wrong one for you, don’t throw in the towel about church or fellowship in a general way. That’s like eating a bad taco and deciding not to eat food. I do have to say concerning bible studies and rules: I never, ever forbid anyone from sharing whether they got their study done that week or not…we’re women for crying out loud, and we’re busy!I don’t want anyone to stay away because they didn’t do it, I am just glad they came. We don’t know what’s going on in their life, and they might really need to be there. Them doing homework does not necessarily make them closer to Jesus and it does nothing for me. It is supposed to be for them anyway. Kinda like “man was not made for the Sabbath, but Sabbath for man.” If we make these things a rule, and we jump through hoops in order to appear a certain way, what does it accomplish? I was a very “good” rule follower for many years and everyone thought I was really together, but inside I was cold and far from the Lord. I knew ALOT, and yet I knew nothing of His grace, not really. We have to love the people who come to these studies, and let the Spirit bring them along in his time, and in His way.
BSF is not for everybody, it’s not about “doing homework”, but to worship God through Jesus Christ and to grow in faith, love and hope. If you find that in another bible study, great, but if you think you can do it by yourself, you are a type of Christian Lone Ranger and the bible doesn’t talk about that. Nobody is a self-made Christian or is not a Christian at all. Cheers!
I just found this. I was in BSF in the fall. Had to miss some bc of legit reasons. They came around to the small group and took roll from name tags. I didn’t always remember mine so that was something too. The roll taker wasn’t allowed to give me credit for times I had attended that were incorrectly marked. My group leader seemed cold and judgmental. I began to dread coming. The phone calls she had to make to be did not seem pleasant but businesslike. I was made inactive and told I had made a “divine commitment” to study His word with them and had missed too much. I wrote her back a “divine text” telling her I quit. Who needs the legalism? I should not have tried this study. It does not fit my personality. I faithfully attended other studies where I felt real fellowship and rapport with the group. Years ago, I quit this program bc the pre-school left my son in a dark, empty room alone after he had been pinched. Not supervised. I will go back to a study with a group leader I feel comfortable and positive about!
The study meetings that I attend are enlightening and never unpleasant; otherwise, I wouldn’t go.
I went to BSF four times and no one ever spoke to me. I got called out because my name tag was turned around not showing my name, I apologized and mentioned I didn’t like answering questions..everyone in the room laughed. It wasn’t suppose to be funny I thought. As soon as I turned it around the leader called on me. Several things happened those 4 wks that just left me feeling uncomfortable and I really didn’t learn a thing..just listened to different ones share their struggles mostly. I felt like I was in therapy.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I understand how mortifying it is! At the time, I thought it was only me that really didn’t like it. There are so many people I know that LOVE it and have learned and grown so much through the program, so I wouldn’t want to minimize that, but for me I learn and grow much more in a different environment. And that’s OKAY! 🙂
I must share how a friend has changed so much since attending BSF for over 25 yrs and it’s not for the good. She has become a leader and that entitled her to tell me I wasn’t enjoying working with children at the church. She wanted to be in control so she could tell me what I could and couldn’t do (umm I saw a connection with BSF and all their rules) I have a degree with working with children and have done it over 20 yrs. I was shocked she knew my heart and that I didn’t enjoy it…really?.? I caved and resigned and left the church. I saw such a personality change…always right, myself always wrong..another control tactic. When I approached her recently I suggested we work it out..I had already apologized for I am not sure what but wanted my slate clean. Let’s work together I suggested..her reply “I don’t want to work with you..we don’t get along”I wanted to say you always find fault but instead I came home feeling so puzzled by how she has treated me since becoming one of their leaders. If only BSF knew how she is when no one is checking on her. I went to our pastors and even elders and they all suggested I stay away from her. I read that book by Johnson…so much of her personality has infested my friend….sooooo sad. Give some people alittle power and they don’t care who they hurt as long as they impress the right people
I’m so sorry to hear this! It would be so hurtful, and I would probably lose sleep over the whole thing. I hate these kinds of situations. What came to my mind was Romans 12:18 “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” It sounds like you’ve done what you can. Even though it’s heartbreaking, sometimes it’s just not possible. We can’t change others, only ourselves. Hugs and prayers!