I majored in Biblical Counseling at the small Bible college that I attended. So as a part of the program marriage was a huge topic. I studied what the Bible says about marriage issues as well as read lots of great Christian books on marriage. All of the books seemed to advocate continuing to date your spouse after you married. Well, I was completely on board with that duh! Of course I would want that. Who wouldn’t?
Well the first four years of our marriage it was just the two of us and we dated regularly. It was so easy and fun. I always wanted to keep it up. Then we had our first child and it became much more difficult, but we found the daughter of a friend from church who would babysit for $2 an hour so we occasionally went out, but definitely for all the big occasions. Then we moved to another state and had another child. Things weren’t so easy anymore. I would insist that it was important and my husband would reluctantly take me somewhere, but his heart was not in it.
Then I tried the old do it yourself method several times. I would plan a date, find a babysitter, and my husband’s only job was to show me a good time. Insert smile here. It was a good idea in theory, but again his heart wasn’t in it. I would find him watching the TV in the restaurant or catch him zoning thinking about work. Let’s just say after all the “work” I did to get us there I would be quite upset with the outcome.
After much frustration and pouty times of not feeling loved because my husband no longer took me on dates, I finally realized that my desire to date my husband (although it was a good desire) had become an idol of my heart. I was wrecking the peace and love we did share in attempt to have my own way. The Bible does not say, “Thou shalt regularly take your wife to dinner without the kids!” And so that’s when I decided to kiss dating goodbye! Instead of dwelling on the things I wished my husband did, I needed to dwell on all the great things that he does do and is. I find it a great practice to literally start listing all the things I appreciate about him when I’m wishing things were different. “Count your blessings!” And, well, if I’m honest I’m sure I don’t do everything he would wish either, but I’m thankful that he still loves me faults and all!
Through the years there have been occasions that made dating more convenient or times when he decided he wanted to do something with me, and then we have had a blast. But for the most part (Those old feelings do come rushing back at times.) whether we date or not I am content. We spend regular time alone together after we put the kids to bed and at this point in our lives that works for us.
Now don’t get me wrong here. I am not advocating that everyone quit dating. Ha ha! If you and your spouse have worked out how to regularly go out together and both of you enjoy and look forward to the time, then I think that is wonderful. How blessed you are in this area. Don’t ever stop!
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